I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
