Do you still have your period?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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