the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
