I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
