the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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