Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
