I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
