I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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