dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
