That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
