Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
