I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
