we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
