Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
