he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
