I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
