Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
