the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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