Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
