Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
