I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
