Please, let me fuck your mom
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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