My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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