i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
