I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
