I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
