I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize