dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
