i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
