No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
