Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
