does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
