well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
