he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
