She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
