I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
