they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
