My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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