So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
