ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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