I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
