How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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