just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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