i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
