dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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