How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
