Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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