they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
