I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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