the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
