M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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