my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
