Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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