if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
