I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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