she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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